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Monday, September 6, 2010

Is it obedience vs disobedience or is it love that brings growth in grace?

As I see it obedience vs disobedience is the wrong axis. Obedience merely conforms to outward behavior even if the heart is delightfully engaged. It also causes the person to shrink into diminutiveness and hesitancy in their personality development failing to make their own decisions. It stunts our genuine growth. Disobedience, on the other hand, rebels from within. It gets us to be stupid and gets us to shoot ourselves in the foot. So as I see it both obedience and disobedience are totally useless when it comes to spiritual maturity because they both relate to externals and growth is an internal dynamic not an external one.


As I get older, I do not find it gets easier to obey. I've been involved in a maverick approach to Jesus for quite some time. So as I get older I find myself even more absolutely opposed to allowing anyone to place their expectations upon me concerning what I am going to do. As a Christ follower I find instead that I get so engaged in pursuing and discovering what I have come to value through my abiding with Jesus as genuinely good for its own sake that I simply have less and less time to stop to think about if I am being compliant to any one's articulated expectations or standards.

This next paragraph may come across as shocking. If you cannot say it wholeheartedly for yourself I understand and appreciate your concerns. If God does not like what I am doing, as far as I am concerned that is His own damn problem. He should have considered the consequences of how He would feel about my behavior when He gave me my own heart and my own mind and my own ability to make my own decisions and told me to be fruitful and multiply and take dominion over the earth. He did not make me as smart as He is nor as capable and I refuse to accept any expectations from Him that reach beyond the nature of who and what I am as His creation. If He is thinking of going back on the deal, then to hell with Him. Besides, although I am willing to own my own behavior as mine for better or worse (Jesus taught me to do that and it is far more valuable than I had first imagined), God is fully responsible for His own disappointments. I refuse to accept any of them. If He does not enjoy living inside me, then He is free to leave!

As time goes on I am loosing track of any sense of any list of external requirements. Seeking to live by the "law of love" requires only only to be mindful and honest with my motives and to be actively engaged in a motive that has the well being of God and the entire universe as its purpose. It also requires an honest willingness to discover the truth about what really secures that well being. That purpose has been in a process of ongoing remodeling by the resurrection power of the indwelling Christ. As time goes on I am given more over to that sense of purpose and less to questions of right or wrong.

As I understand it, my "growth in grace" is the freedom to not have it all figured out correctly while I am in the process of becoming someone who totally agrees with God about how lovely and meaningful all of His creation is and as I discover how life can be a celebration of opportunity to live in a way that upholds such an awesome and unsearchable preciousness as is found in the person of God, the faithfulness of Christ, the beauty of God's image in each of us and this amazing universe we have as place to exist and know each other.

So I turn to another axis. Is this love? Is it really love? Wouldn't it be beyond awesome to see even more of the value that love brings into this creation? And so as I grow in grace I stretch my grasp for even more of unsearchable love.

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